A Bowl of Experience Salad that led to a Belly full Of Peace…

Do you believe in coincidences? Ever hum a song in the shower and then hear it on the radio during your morning commute? Is that the Law of Attraction? The ability of human beings to manifest everything they desire or think of into their lives? Or is that mere coincidence?

About a decade ago, I read Rhonda Byrnes’ The Secret — and for some reason its message resonated. I experimented on and off with the manifesting my own life thing. And, wonderfully enough, I was about 50% successful. So, every time the Law of Attraction worked for me I’d become very excited and keep on at it. It inspired me to read more by other authors, and find out more about this wonderful phenomenon. Visualizing. Gratitude journals. Focusing on positive thoughts. What you think about, you attract. The works. But, still the other 50% of the time it didn’t work. So was I doing it wrong? Was I distracted while visualizing? Maybe I wasn’t grateful enough? Was that particular outcome not supposed to be in my fate, and hence I was unable to attract it? I’d become disappointed, get involved with the day to day challenges life throws at all of us, and forget about it…

The other day, a dear, dear friend came up to me and said she’d talked to some other people about me and had decided some things had to change in our relationship and she was taking charge of changing them. At first, I was bewildered. That turned to a kind of mixed up anger and sadness. You know the kind where you’re mad but you want to cry? That. Why would someone talk about me to someone else? Why would people I’d never met and didn’t know me, give advice as to how I should be ‘dealt with’. And, yikes, even judge me!! It bothered me so much that I’d have mini panic attacks, where sleep eluded me and I’d have make believe conversations with these people I didn’t know, defending myself, alone, in the darkness of the night. Why? Why do we feel we need to defend our innate goodness, to people who do not matter?

The family and I just watched Avengers: Infinity War. The villain, Thanos wants to rid the universe of half its population, because that’s the only way to be free from hunger, and the suffering and poverty that follows when there are just too many mouths to feed. Despite not agreeing with the whole genocide philosophy of getting the job done — I found myself, for the first time in my life, agreeing a little bit with the analysis of the problem, and maybe viewing the villain with a wee bit of sympathy and understanding. After all, he was advocating a solution to an age old problem we haven’t been able to solve, and most importantly (to me, anyway!), he wasn’t “choosing’ who would “cease to exist” — it would be completely random. With a snap of his fingers, he would eliminate half of all living things in the universe, without consideration to age, gender, race, wealth, or any other measure of inequality/superiority that we use. It wasn’t a pure clear cut case of good vs. evil — and the inevitable ‘evil must die’ reaction we usually have for the antagonist, didn’t fill my soul. Am I becoming so philosophical that I just can’t watch a movie without psychoanalyzing the whole thing? For days? Boy! Am I, perchance, getting old?

I just got done reading Mark Manson’s, “The Subtle Art of not giving a F*ck!” And, that’s when I hit a nirvana type A-H-A moment. — — I think! — — Not sure it was the book per se — but it might have been. You should read it and tell me what you think. Anyways, I suddenly had that epiphany I’ve been craving all my adult life. Here it is : I’ve been giving too many f*cks to the unimportant stuff, and, therefore, not having enough f*cks left over for the really critical stuff! I’d care what people thought of me — even people I’d never met! I cared too much about others’ karma, not my reaction to it; I cared too much about if someone was stealing from me my time, my money, my ideas; I cared if I was making enough money; whether my kids were achieving enough; was the husband attentive enough, was my family ‘ideal’ enough, were my friends loyal enough, did the world appreciate me enough? The Eureka moment? Are these worries really important? Are they serving me? Am I living my best life? And, when I honestly sat down and answered that — I discovered that (for me) what’s important is living each day knowing I’m essentially, (never entirely, unfortunately, but, hey — we do what we can…), decent and good. Being grateful for what I have. Striving for what I don’t, without letting it victimize me. Living with passion, love, joy, gratitude. That’s what I want from life. That’s what I want my kids to know for sure. Everything else, I’m starting to realize, figures itself out, whether I worry about it or not…

So what made this happen right now? Why on the eve of turning 50 did I, all of a sudden, become so wise and calm? {Now, if you’ve met me, even briefly, — you would know that ‘wise’ and ‘calm’ are two adjectives that are not normally used to describe me! Ever!:-) }. So, maybe it was the coming together of a lot of incidents of my life, maybe I was ready for it, maybe it’s just a temporary tummy upset, maybe it’s destiny, or maybe I manifested it! Who’s to know? “Embrace the glorious mess that you are,” said Elizabeth Gilbert not so long ago. I’m embracing. And, for now, I’m at peace…

Deepma Jadeja

Deepma is a co-founder and trainer at The Confident Communicator, and is having the time of her life empowering children, teenagers, women, corporate executives, friends and family live their best life. She helps people become effective in the art and science of communication, build their self esteem, and conquer their deepest fears. She conducts training programs in Communication Skills, Leadership and Assertiveness for young adults and corporates, and has co-developed several products in line with the Company’s mission of Empowerment. "Our kids are grappling with the pressures of social media, stalking and seeking instant gratification, and it is our duty to help them rise above these influences and empower them to build positive self worth, and resilience."